I first want to thank you for allowing me to interview you on DA and I especially want to thank you for this incredible book. The Plus Factor is a deep and expressive story about your personal nightmare of domestic violence, I found myself having to put it down to recoup from the tales.

TLS: First, thank you, for this wonderful opportunity to share my story and experience with the Definitely Amazing community.

While reading back through it after its completion was there anything that brought you to tears so much that you yourself had to put the book down?

TLS: I cannot bring myself to read this book. I have tried on several occasions and have decided it’s best for me to speak from the heart. I can honestly say that writing this entire book brought me to tears at various times in the process. It is a very noble decision to want to share your story with the world. It is also one of the most difficult experiences of your life. Days and weeks would go by before I picked up the pen again. It wasn’t the writing; it was the recollecting and reliving of the most painful moments.

How did you gather the strength needed to begin this book?

TLS: I was having a conversation with my sister and mom one day. Even after he assaulted me, I somehow wanted to protect him. But, they encouraged me. They told me that I needed to be free and start healing. My sister said to me, “you should write a book.” Writing has always been a passion of mine. I dismissed this thought.  Five minutes later; my son, not having known what was just spoken, said the exact same words! I knew then that it was a sign from God. I needed to begin this work. I began writing so two and ½ years later it was published September 2011.

Domestic Violence Prevention Awareness Month is also this month. What are some ways people can help put out the word to increase knowledge and awareness about Domestic Violence?

TLS: There are several ways. I always encourage people to stand up and speak out. We need more individuals that are willing to vocalize their disdain for this issue. Volunteering with your local community-based domestic violence program is always a plus. It gives you an opportunity to give of yourself and your time to those that often feel forgotten. Contact your state and local representative and encourage them to vote in favor of victims in their children if a bill is up for vote. Educate yourself – Google is a friend.  It is important to arm yourself with information should you need to help someone.

In your book you discussed the lack of caring shown by the local law enforcement when you came to make a statement. What could be done to change this because as you said these are some of the reasons women don't make reports, so how can this be changed?

TLS: I was forced to share the intimate details of my assault in the main lobby of the police department, that experience scarred me. I would have appreciated some sort of privacy. The interesting factor is that the Sergeant had no problem pulling me to the side to “scold” me for waiting one month, but that same courtesy was not extended when it was time for me to tell what happened. Victims would appreciate privacy. In all honesty, I left there feeling as if I should have never made the report in the first place. It was just that bad. More compassion needs to be shown from the police force, but with that comes more education needed as well. In time, this will change.

You talk about your sister being a "Secondary Survivor" should there be more done to assist the families and friends of Domestic Violence Victims?

TLS:  In the community of sexual assault, there is what’s called a Secondary Survivors group. However, this does not exist for DV victims, at least not in South Carolina. Domestic Violence impacts entire families, communities and the faith community if this applies. It may not be necessary to support all of those entities, but there definitely needs to be support for those that are able and willing to listen and support victims the most. My sister was the first person I told about the rape and physical assault. That event changed her life. Since that time, she has been the one to carry the burden with me. What I have encouraged her to do is find an outlet for herself. Because I am getting stronger everyday, I try not to use her as much as my dumping ground.

What would you tell someone who wants to help because they suspect a friend or family member is a victim of abuse?

TLS: As I say in my book, “practice patience.” It is very easy to get into these relationships, but difficult to get out of. Oftentimes, the victim is beaten down psychologically and unable to gather the strength and courage needed to leave. My other piece of advice is to not encourage them to leave. I know that it is very difficult to know that our friends and loved ones are going through this, but this can backfire on you. More often than not, it pushes the victims further into the arms of the abuser. Rather, equip yourself with knowledge so that you can be a resource for them, if and when they make the decision to leave. There is a huge difference between helping and rescuing.

How can anyone learn more about prevention, and getting in touch with you about guest speaking?

TLS: Please visit www.ncadv.org (this is the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence’s website) They have a ton of resources and other educational materials for you to review. If folks are interested in having me speak, they can send an e-mail to: tamikasims@gmail.com I am available for in-person or telephone interviews.

Who is Tamika L. Sims and why are you Definitely Amazing?

TLS: Tamika L. Sims is a mom, author, advocate and survivor, what makes me “definitely amazing” is my tenacity and resilience. Since I have been able to overcome and have triumphed through tragedy, there isn’t anything that I cannot accomplish. 

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